then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
