this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
