yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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