im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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