Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
