My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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