I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
