Your tits are I can't wait for
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
