I just threw up on my dentist
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Brb crying the tears of my youth
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
