so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i will never coherently bang her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
