Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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