Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
