so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
