she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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