So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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