one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
