I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
