they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
