Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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