He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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