So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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