you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
