i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
