Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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