I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
