She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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