maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
