he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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