I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
