i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
