absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
