Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
