The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
