and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
