How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
