My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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