Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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