i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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