Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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