it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
