omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
