I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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