Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
