His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
