On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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