I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
