i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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