Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
