I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
