You work out of a Hotel?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
