i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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