In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
